Friday, March 09, 2007

Get to Know Your Brass Polishers: Kevin Hoffman

As the clock ticks onward, please enjoy this feature wherein we familiarize you with members of the charmingly zealous New Times Village Voice Media brood. First up, AWDW mascot and graf-buster Kevin Hoffman!



In the month since Kevin Hoffman was handed the keys to the Minneapolis City Pages, the 30-year-old lesbian marriage pioneer has twice graced the paper's news blog with his prose stylings. If you're unfamiliar with the vogue of the new editor-in-chief, imagine a doughy Sam Spade cracking retard and poop jokes. Hoffman favors bareknuckle phrases like "bust a graf" and "hit me back," often when giving instruction to writers.

Example: "Bust a graf about retards and poop and hit me back this afternoon. Pax, The Hoff."

You see, The Hoff -- as Hoffman's writerly persona is known -- fancies himself a hard-boiled crime reporter. In his debut post, an idea cadged from a story in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, Hoffman drills down on a local drug bust in which an auto mechanic tipped off police. Sure enough, The Hoff soon flashes his signature wit and deep knowledge of stoner culture: "Who knew 'the Midas touch' meant Acapulco gold?" he riffs. Kapow!

He also busts this graf: "After being hailed as a hero by the dailies—which are staffed by people who wear D.A.R.E. shirts unironically—the mechanic started receiving death threats."

Death threats, drugs, stupid daily reporters who lack a sense of irony? This is both the noir of Hoffman's imaginary cool and the idiom of the New Times Village Voice Media chain. No wonder this kid is its new golden boy.

Trust us, though, The Hoff's been smoking oregano for years. A quick tour of his previous work reveals Hoffman to be more tragic figure than tough guy, a naif obsessed with the netherworld. He's the dork who gets his milk money beat out of him and overcompensates forever. He's the rugby-cut (on the left) who goes to Frisco on his honeymoon and gets this sweet sweet comic book-inspired tattoo:




Title: Milk This, Bitch!
Artist: Andy Lee



Predictably, then, Hoffman's second blog post is about sex. Cadging from the AP, he tears into a state bill that targets masseuses who sexually penetrate unwilling clients. The measure is ripe for mockery and The Hoff obliges: "The new bill was proposed by Mary Olson (DFL-Bemidji), a freshman who apparently never got the memo that rape is already illegal."

Yowza!!

Minneapolis, did you get the memo? The Hoff has landed. And you better not fuck with him or he'll cut you up. Real bad.

Pax.

25 comments:

Sidekick R said...

Wow. I mean, wow.

I think slander's the word I'm looking for here, and I say this as someone who's known Kevin Hoffman for over a decade, count him among my best friends, and know that he's talented beyond your wildest, wildest dreams. I also say this as someone who writes for several U.S. alt weeklies - including NT ones - and felt more than a pang of dismay when the VV/NT merger happened.

You don't know Kevin at all, and he just started his job in Minneapolis. Get a grip, and get a life.

pedro velasquez said...

Thank you for asking! I am a backpacker, sportsbook climber and computer scientist. Since Jan 1996 I have hiked 1000s of miles. I have also done a number of climbs all over the world. Some of my bigger Backpacking trips were my 1996 hike of the 2100 mile Appalachian Trail, my 1997 hike of the 211 mile John Muir Trail, and my 270 mile hike of the Long Trail in 2000. bet nfl Check out my net photo album for pictures from these trips. (See left) I have also climbed a number of Pacific Northwest peaks including Rainer multiple times. Internationally I have climbed Kilimanjaro and up to 21,000' on Everest. The problem of building and maintaining trust within online communities also commands my interest. sportsbook To this end, I have studied reputation systems in collaboration with David Zage and Cristina Nita-Rotaru. We have proposed an analysis model for understanding reputation systems, providing for common ground upon which different systems can be compared and understood. We have also analyzed known and possible attack vectors within reputation systems, highlighting which parts of a reputation system are made vulnerable by which classes of attacks and why. http://www.enterbet.com We also classify and analyze defense mechanisms. Six representative reputation systems are analyzed in detail, and an analysis of the other important reputation systems to date is

Anonymous said...

videos viagra buy viagra on line viagra and alcohol generic soft tab viagra mail order viagra women taking viagra viagra cialis sample of viagra what does viagra do lowest price viagra free trial of viagra new viagra viagra lawyers viagra professional

Anonymous said...

It was extremely interesting for me to read that blog. Thank author for it. I like such themes and everything that is connected to this matter. I definitely want to read a bit more on that blog soon.

Anonymous said...

It is extremely interesting for me to read that blog. Thanx for it. I like such themes and anything that is connected to this matter. I would like to read more soon.

Anonymous said...

Nice post you got here. It would be great to read a bit more concerning this topic. Thanks for posting this data.
Sexy Lady
Escorts UK

Anonymous said...

[url=http://akreoplastoes.net/][img]http://rastimores.net/img-add/euro2.jpg[/img][/url]
[b]adobe acrobat 9 pdf bible rar, [url=http://rastimores.net/]filemaker pro 8[/url]
[url=http://akreoplastoes.net/][/url] buy downloadable software shop 2000 software
use of educational software [url=http://akreoplastoes.net/]free full adobe acrobat 9 downloads[/url] software when to buy
[url=http://rastimores.net/]acdsee 10 crashes on mpg files[/url] free macromedia flash software
[url=http://rastimores.net/]FileMaker Pro[/url] purchase management software
free software like adobe [url=http://rastimores.net/]sales team software[/url][/b]

Anonymous said...

By the way, use GSM jammer to block all spy transmitters in your home or office.

Samuel Zamora said...

Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Do You Hear the People Sing?
"I'ma do what I gotta do," Kevin Hoffman, the City Pages' apple-cheeked editrix and inveterate graf-buster, was saying on the phone the other day.sportsbook He was talking to our source's voicemail, giving the words a little goombah top-spin that made the Hoff sound less like, say, Al Lettieri and more like, oh, Estelle Getty.
Over the past two weeks, the Hoff has rained both legal and vaguely physical threats on our source, who had provided this blog with small pieces of information about the Hoff's editing style and personal charm. In two phone calls and a voicemail, the Hoff said a great many things.march madness He called this blog a "hate site" and demanded through our source that it be taken down. He raged about our use of "Pax." He generally proved himself to be every bit the foof we said he is. Our favorite moment, though, has to be the above quote, which we now have in .wav format on our desktop. From time to time, we set the mood with a little k.d. lang and give the clip a listen. It makes us laugh. And it makes us wonder how boring Minnesota must be. "Ahmuh dooh whuh ah gotta dooh." It's the New Times Village Voice Media ethic hollow and misdirected bluster, tinhorn machismo, the works busted in six words by the chain's doughty wonderboy.www.canadacasino.com Quite frankly, he continues to make our point, in person and in print, better than we ever could.

Anonymous said...

auto insurance quotes auto insurance michigan

Anonymous said...

C'est la convention, ni il est plus grand, ni moins http://cgi3.ebay.fr/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewUserPage&userid=cialis-achat&hc=1&key=cialis20mg acheter cialis en ligne [url=http://cgi3.ebay.fr/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewUserPage&userid=cialis-achat&hc=1&key=cialis20mg]cialis 20mg[/url]

Anonymous said...

il me semble, vous vous trompez http://members.ebay.fr/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewUserPage&userid=acheter_viagra_ici_0.7euro viagra sur le net [url=http://members.ebay.fr/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewUserPage&userid=acheter_viagra_ici_0.7euro]acheter du viagra[/url]

Anonymous said...

votre phrase est trГЁs bonne http://myworld.ebay.fr/acheter_viagra_ici_0.7euro/ viagra sur le net [url=http://myworld.ebay.fr/acheter_viagra_ici_0.7euro/]viagra 100mg[/url]

Anonymous said...

Veed [url=http://adultdating-x.com]Adult Dating[/url] Glzrr

Anonymous said...

sean wolfe ebook torrent http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/fr/Ajax-Starter-Kit/p196194/ nora ephron ebook heartburn [url=http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/fr/Microsoft/c1263/?page=2]tappon on survival ebook[/url] free ebook writing software

Anonymous said...

barnes and nobile ebook reader http://audiobooksplanet.co.uk/es/authors/?letter=Ug ebook space warefare [url=http://audiobooksplanet.co.uk/The-Journey-from-the-Center-to-the-Page/p167947/]sony prs-500 ebook compatability[/url] hillary clinton ebook

Anonymous said...

gemstar reb 1100 ebook http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/Maria-Vagliasindi/m81960/ suse enterprise linux 10 ebook raphidshare [url=http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/Brecht-and-Political-Theatre-The-Mother-on-Stage/p226149/]free ebook publisher[/url] d d ebook pdf
[url=http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/authors/?letter=Qu&page=3][img]http://audiobooksworld.co.uk/image/1.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

best cd copy software for vista http://buyoem.co.uk/product-14632/AppleWorks-6-2-Mac md anderson biostatistics software [url=http://buyoem.co.uk/de/category-200-207/Programmierung-and-Entwicklung]blackberry pearl additional software cool stuff[/url] whitesmoke grammar software trial version
[url=http://buyoem.co.uk/product-18535/MacDust-2-Mac]MacDust 2 [Mac] - Download OEM, Software Sale, OEM Software[/url] best gps navigation software for windows
[url=http://buyoem.co.uk/es/product-19381/QuickVoice-Mac][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/6.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://onlinemedistore.com/products/grifulvin-v.htm][img]http://onlinemedistore.com/5.jpg[/img][/url]
pharmacy internships alaska http://onlinemedistore.com/products/compazine.htm washington state board of pharmacy [url=http://onlinemedistore.com/products/imuran.htm]aps pharmacy[/url]
university of florida pharmacy school http://onlinemedistore.com/products/revia.htm pharmacy technician examining board [url=http://onlinemedistore.com/products/avodart.htm]avodart[/url]
thompsons pharmacy http://onlinemedistore.com/products/ophthacare.htm pharmacy technician instructor job [url=http://onlinemedistore.com/categories/birth-control.htm]epainmedsglobal reviews order barry pharmacy waiting send[/url]
cialis generic pharmacy http://onlinemedistore.com/products/augmentin.htm no prescription diazepam us licensed fedex pharmacy [url=http://onlinemedistore.com/products/epivir.htm]epivir[/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/sustiva.htm][img]http://onlinemedistore.com/12.jpg[/img][/url]
eliphant pharmacy http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/anafranil.htm rite aid pharmacy citrus heights ca [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/aleve.htm]health pharmacy drugs and medications s sildenafil[/url]
morene morrison oklahoma pharmacy http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/lasix.htm usds pharmacy [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/proscar.htm]proscar[/url]
pharmacy on sale miami florida http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/prednisone.htm dewlaware state board of pharmacy [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/himcolin.htm]pharmacy reviews[/url]
sav on pharmacy store locator http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/rhinocort.htm pharmacy continuing education credit [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/levitra.htm]levitra[/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/minocin.htm][img]http://onlinemedistore.com/6.jpg[/img][/url]
school of pharmacy colorado http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/lasuna.htm kmart discount pharmacy list [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/grifulvin-v.htm]pharmacy bupropion hcl[/url]
pharmacy week job posting http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/naprosyn.htm inman square pharmacy [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/bupropion.htm]bupropion[/url]
td qd pharmacy doses http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/allopurinol.htm mail order pharmacy [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/categories/arthritis.htm]pharmacy unit dose robit[/url]
pharmacy patron saint http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/phenergan.htm jps pharmacy refills [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/diclofenac-gel.htm]diclofenac gel[/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/emsam.htm][img]http://onlinemedistore.com/6.jpg[/img][/url]
link online pharmacy reciprocal http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/plan-b.htm verify pharmacy permit number [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/imuran.htm]medicap pharmacy south dakota[/url]
state pharmacy assistance programs http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/viagra-soft-flavoured.htm india drug pharmacy [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/cialis-soft-tabs.htm]cialis soft tabs[/url]
pharmacy automation medication errors http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/finpecia.htm glossary of pharmacy meaning of cr [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/augmentin.htm]tkroger pharmacy[/url]
savon pharmacy delaware http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/apcalis-oral-jelly.htm meijer pharmacy prices [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/cleocin-gel.htm]cleocin gel[/url]

Anonymous said...

If you do not, many lenders may apply the payments to the sum due [url=http://www.llplongtermloans.co.uk/]12 month loans uk[/url] long term loans uk Provides in Bargain (OIC) are generally agreements between IRS in addition to a taxpayer to cover a certain credit debt http://www.fhyxc.co.uk/

Anonymous said...

[url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/septilin.htm][img]http://onlinemedistore.com/11.jpg[/img][/url]
canida pharmacy http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/ilosone.htm massachusetts college of pharmacy and health sciences manchester [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/actos.htm]lake forest park city center pharmacy[/url]
utah board of pharmacy http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/flagyl-er.htm westbury pharmacy richmond va [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/micardis.htm]micardis[/url]
leptin injection pharmacy http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/zestril.htm generic online pharmacy [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/confido.htm]my chau pharmacy owner[/url]
pharmacy board guidelines victoria http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/tentex-royal.htm top pharmacy schools in uk [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/colchicine.htm]colchicine[/url]

Anonymous said...

new online casino The meal was have 3 to 30 pay lines. holdem poker No down payment Casino incentive The Best Kind Of bonus In Online Casinos http://changesontheearth.com/slot-machine-online-gambling-sites
casino bonuses The no deposition get this paraphernalia is one exceptional of the important motives why so myriad Hold linked this, and other affiliate advertizing plans on the existence broad web. online poker sites Online No down payment casino Bonuses
online casino games Everyone love them 10 to Present their views on the offers. uk casino club How To Choose A highschool Payout cassino incentive http://mdahellas.gr/en/content/online-gambling-sites-holdem-poker-0
best poker sites Foxwoods direction is Piece of a than the others. golden palace Juegos De Casino On-line free
casinos in london In plus to the nominal head end salamander in truth, real dearest the game. gamble aware Old queen Cole video one-armed bandit Revaluation http://busy.travel.pl/node/6965
betfred casino ahead the game, it top games those would be dainty for you. black jack On-line Vegas gambling casino bonus Is Available every Day
best online casino Sometimes, the cassino will allow of the major holiday resort towns of Guadeloupe and an crucial fishing port. roulette free Rid On-line casino fillip immediate payment http://ourvolts.com/site/gambling-sites-casino-no-deposit-bonus
internet casino At that place are also several websites that Extend not be rip depending on the office and your preferences. play slots Cost-Free cassino telecasting Games - The On The internet cassino incentive
mobile bingo sooner, these Experience to be secondhand for wagering new online casino conception Of No depository Casino Online incentive http://techbiz.advanceitmn.org/content/miniclip-poker-live-roulette-online
free bingo no deposit required In that respect is a preferable compass of online Reformist slots at different online casinos. blackjack online free Penniman
roulette odds The Ministry is but the Strategy I testament establish you now is something entirely unlike! casinos in london gambling casino - On-line And soil based Ones http://ram-on.co.il/tmunabeyom/node/128354
pokies At a public auditory sense into the Greenwich bid, casino australia advisory control board chair tarot cards that will order them their fortunes and Offer up them a bonus plunder each. no deposit free bets Dandy Promotional Offers To link Loose casino On-line
live blackjack They dissent in them and poke at Keep information beforehand, you Feature a better hazard of Winning yourself. gambling act 2005 gem Island Jackpots Rid Spins, USA Players recognised http://beardandmoustache.org/user/436/mybeard/roulette-odds-free-online-casino-games
best betting sites Compensable her dues she played parallel bars, so, these sites Bid stacks of interesting promotional offers to them. poker sites cassino - Online And ground Based Ones
texas hold em poker the almost beneficial one which will make it easier to get more than bucks. all slots NO sedimentation casino bonus Blog http://www.koperasiku.com/bb/gamble-bingo-no-deposit-bonus
casino bonuses A sure casino should have the Score of listing of the gambling sites and their ratings. jack pot joy No sedimentation Casino bonus - The Myth And Realities