Bylines? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Bylines

Are we back? Who knows. Is this a new post? It sure is. Here at AWDW, we are occasionally accused of not using bylines. Without dredging through those icky comments from months back -- in which ostensibly professional New Times VVM journalists sought to discredit our enterprise (which admittedly seeks to discredit theirs) by stomping around the playground screaming, "BYLINE! BYLINE! FAGGOT! MY DICK IS BIGGER THAN YOURS!" -- let us simply point you to a notable curiosity that occurred this week, in a piece where Mike Lacey flung poo at SF Bay Guardian honcho Bruce Brugmann for the umpteenth time. As it originally appeared online, Mr. Lacey's byline was sittin' right there, like so:















Then, shortly thereafter, it disappeared entirely. Like so:


Why would Mr. Lacey want to have his byline pulled? Could it be because the notion of a busy executive editor of a 17-paper chain (and such a dignified one at that) running around flinging poo at indisputably smaller competitors might be construed as, well, embarrassing? Who can say. At the time of this writing, the byline, like Bigfoot and New Times VVM's dignity, remain missing. If you have information leading to the whereabouts of any of these things, you know where to find us.

Caliente! VVM Sex Story of the Week

As is well established, New Times gobbled up Village Voice Media with the intention of spreading the seed of Great Journalism far and wide. And what constitutes Great Journalism? Well, duh -- it's boners! Yes, as followers of VVM's brand of Great Journalism are painfully aware, the chain is obsessed hookers, orgies, swingers, nudity, sexual malfeasance, etc. etc. Is a bowling club too retarded a subject for these steely eyed observers of the American Condition? Not if it's a naked bowling club. And so, as the aforementioned seed spreads like semen 'cross a porn star's mug, we present: Caliente! VVM Sex Story of the Week.

Runner Up No. 3: Nashville Scene, "The Bitch-Ho Problem: Vandy scholar explores the sexual politics of hip-hop."

Runner Up No. 2: Cleveland Scene, "Gutter Balls: Adventures in naked bowling."

And now... the VVM Sex Story of the Week goes to... SF Weekly, "Sex and Sensuality: Touchy-feely "researchers" want to build community through the the practice of orgasmic meditation -- one stroke at a time."

Line that swayed the judges: "A timer is set, and for the next 15 minutes, the stroking is on. Up, down. Up, down. Up, down. Up, down. After putting on latex gloves, Sam began massaging Jessica's inner thighs and lower stomach. He went in for the lube stroke. 'If you follow the inner lips, her clit will pop out,' Sam said."

Congratulations, journalists!

Cover: You're Ass

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind...

Cover feature, Cleveland Scene, March 7, 2007:



Cover feature, SF Weekly, March 7, 2007: