Monday, April 09, 2007

Caliente! VVM Sex Story of the Week



As is well established, New Times gobbled up Village Voice Media with the intention of spreading the seed of Great Journalism far and wide. And what constitutes Great Journalism? Well, duh -- it's boners! Yes, as followers of VVM's brand of Great Journalism are painfully aware, the chain is obsessed hookers, orgies, swingers, nudity, sexual malfeasance, etc. etc. Is a bowling club too retarded a subject for these steely eyed observers of the American Condition? Not if it's a naked bowling club. And so, as the aforementioned seed spreads like semen 'cross a porn star's mug, we present: Caliente! VVM Sex Story of the Week.

Runner Up No. 3: Nashville Scene, "The Bitch-Ho Problem: Vandy scholar explores the sexual politics of hip-hop."

Runner Up No. 2: Cleveland Scene, "Gutter Balls: Adventures in naked bowling."

And now... the VVM Sex Story of the Week goes to... SF Weekly, "Sex and Sensuality: Touchy-feely "researchers" want to build community through the the practice of orgasmic meditation -- one stroke at a time."

Line that swayed the judges: "A timer is set, and for the next 15 minutes, the stroking is on. Up, down. Up, down. Up, down. Up, down. After putting on latex gloves, Sam began massaging Jessica's inner thighs and lower stomach. He went in for the lube stroke. 'If you follow the inner lips, her clit will pop out,' Sam said."

Congratulations, journalists!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you're absolutely brilliant, spot on, a genius. Keep it coming!

On the sexy topics, what's best about them (ideal VVM story: When Strippers Kill!) is that they presume this brainless desire to be titillated by tabloid stand-bys by all 18 - 34's, and thus all the real news that's happening to 18 - 34's is let lie. (Like being sold down the river by their parents generation, their whole future mortgaged by education debt, vanished safety nets, vanished public ed, vanished affordable healthcare, all translating to a vanished American dream for everyone born after 1974 who isn't an investment banker.) The New Times people are so self-deluded, they think they speak truth to power but all they actually do is chase the more salacious crumbs the dailies drop.

Anonymous said...

yeah and didn't they want that guy in seattle to go get jerked off and write about it? mike lacey sure is the new ben bradlee!

Anonymous said...

the cover for the cleveland scene piece is priceless.

Amanda C said...

StarShip Enterprises Atalant an adult shop for sex toys for men women and adults. A varity of adult toys and dvds. Adult Set Toys and DVDs for Men, Women and Couples and Starship Elations - Sex Toys, Adult DVD, Lotions, ... Starship Enterprises. For the adult toys http://www.shopstarship.com/