"He looks like a Holocaust survivor in a Men's Wearhouse suit." -- Current New Times VVM employee
Friends! As most New Times VVM team members know, there exists a mover and shaker within the company who inspires fear and offends fashion senses wherever he slithers. His name: Andy Van De Voorde (hereafter known as, "VDeV"). A shadow dweller, he is the New Times VVM hatchet man who fires staffers across the land without notice or explanation, tweaking the organization (well, such as it is) to ensure its readership receives only the best journalism, week in, week out (i.e. stories about dicks).
But, as we learned recently, not all New Times VVM scribes are savvy enough to understand their employer's canny style of management. More to the point: Few staffers, we realized, would be able to recognize VDeV even if he molted on their keyboard. And thus, in the spirit of helping others, we hereby announce a new little endeavor: Those of you in the know, would you kindly leave in the comments section -- anonymously, if you choose -- your best description of Mr. VDeV, just like the one above? Using the descriptions, we will enlist the services of a sketch artist to render the visage of VDeV, so that future generations of VVM employees will recognize the embodiment of cold death before he arrives with their walking papers. You can also probably poop on the drawing if you like. Let's have some fun!